BLOG READER

Last week I was pestering my buddy Mike, one of my oldest and dearest friends in the world (and possibly the only person crazy enough to voluntarily put up with my insanity for 30 years), about his lack of readership when it comes to my blog. I have posted an entry every week for almost two years now (and some of them are even remotely entertaining). Although I would certainly like to have a lot more readers, each week my page usually gets anywhere from 10 to 40 anonymous hits but apparently Mike is not often one of them.

My oldest friend in the world had not even glanced at my page in over a year. Humph and for shame. Just because Mike is about the best Dad to his two kids that I have ever seen in terms of the amount of quality time he spends with them. Plus he owns/runs a restaurant and works out daily. Oh yeah and he also makes time each week to spend just with his wife, his friends and get in a few rounds of golf. Yeah, so just because of all that he thinks that is an excuse.

Well actually it is a pretty good excuse now that I just typed all that, but screw it. Hey, coming up with 52 solid blog topics a year is tough so if I want to fluff through this one whining about Mike, well just like Bobby Brown, it’s my prerogative. (My wife just finished watching some sadistic movie [Hard Candy…oooch, if you are a guy DO NOT WATCH IT… I am not keen on any movie with a castration scene] and asked me what my blog topic is about. I just read her the previous sentence to which she yawned and said, “well I guess you know my feelings on that one”. I will have to work a bit harder on my topics the next 51 weeks. Oh well… back to the whining)

Well I say that the fact that Mike is not a weekly reader is a slap in the face. This from the man that almost got suspended with me for proudly displaying signs at one of our high school football games that featured motivating slogans like ‘Ear Wax’, ‘Nose Hair’, ‘Circumcise The Band’ and ‘Eat Me’. This from the man who had a casual lunch with me at the only open Italian restaurant in Boston’s Little Italy during the gale force winds and rain of Hurricane Bob. This from the man that let me cut his hair in his backyard after a late night bar-b-q. This from the man that took most of my male and female family and friends to a sleazy strip joint the night before my wedding.


Aw shucks, I guess I can’t be mad at Mike. In his defense, he had read some of the entries last year and he did offer me constructive criticism that unfortunately has put me in a bit of a quandary. He mentioned that my blog tends to be a little sappy with cutesy endings and stuff. He is right. When I am around Mike I am very relaxed and I tend not to use as much decorum as I might when I am talking to my family or business associates. Should I hold back in my writing here? The people very close to me know I will say just about anything and often the more taboo the subject the harder I will try to incorporate it into an over the top joke. They also know what I actually feel in my heart and know that I truly am just kidding.

Should I not worry about who I might offend with my writing? You always hear about someone not getting a job or promotion because of the nonsense they posted on their own website. Not to mention am I really comfortable with my mother reading a joke that starts with the line ‘how do you know if someone is a narcoleptic necrophilia pedophile?’ (I’ll e-mail anyone that wants to know the punch line… it’s not a pretty image.)

Some people are the exact same no matter what company they keep. I kind of wish I was a little more like that but I definitely do adjust how I speak and what I say based on whom I am around. Not quite talk like a homeboy around my friends and talk like an English Prince at work, night and day different, but defiantly different. The somewhat bible-belt semi religious folks I work with have repeatedly said that ‘they expect me to be hit by lightning’ for the stuff I say. My wife just says that ‘it’s amazing I do not get hit more.” Yet my blogs have all avoided hot topics like politics, religion and sex.

Maybe Mike would read this damn thing more if I talked a bit more salty. I mean back in High school he and I drove around in my car listening to songs like ‘Dead Puppies Aren’t Much Fun’, ‘Kinko The Kid Loving Clown’ and ‘Something’s In The Bag’. Well then I guess I should rap this crammed colon bloated bowel of an entry up.
(Since I brought this up to Mike he has gone back to read more of my blog and has even left some comments on the LIVEJOURNAL version. Thanks bubba, love you man. eeeeeeeee)

CLICK TO SEE DAN AND MIKE IN THIER FSU DORM ROOM
CLICK TO SEE MIKE AND DAN IN VEGAS