I have 6-pac abs; they are hidden underneath the pony keg I lug around on top of them. Yes, I have a gut. It has pretty much been there in one form or another since my first year of college. Not long after I moved into my dorm I discovered that the Howard Johnson’s Restaurant across the street had an all-night $2.99 “2-2-2-2” breakfast special consisting of 2 pancakes, 2eggs, 2 slices of bacon and 2 sausages. Of course the all you can eat pizza place next door to the HoJo did not help either. Oh yeah, and there was a little thing called beer that I have always had a bit of a fondness for.
Throughout my life I have gained and lost the same 45 pounds over and over again. I know that it is bad for me and it gets harder to lose each time but it has been a reality in my life for more then 25 years. When I find myself getting a bit too ginourmous I modify my eating habits and kick start an exercise program until I get things a bit more under control. I try not to use the word diet, although since my ‘modified eating habits’ tend to obviously only be temporary I guess it really is closer to a diet.
About 4 years ago I again had to move up to the pants from the ‘Gordo-Dan’ collection. Before my wedding I got myself down to near my high school weight but I fell prey to the common first year of marriage bulge. I restarted my running (jogging) routine until I hurt my back. I woke up one morning with nasty shooting pains in my lower back. After walking around like Lon Chaney’s Quasimoto for a few days, I was talked into going to a friend’s chiropractor.
The Doctor was a nice enough guy but after several months of $50 a week sessions consisting mostly of sharing bad jokes and being told that things are progressing nicely, I called it quits. I do not know if I got better from the Chiropractor’s minor treatments or simply that enough time had passed that it healed itself. Either way I felt better. I did in fact follow the doctor’s advice of quitting my daily running and started riding the recommended elliptical machine instead.
For the next 3 years I spent an average of 50 minutes 4 days a week on the elliptical machine until one day I noticed my knees were starting to throb. They cracked and popped whenever I kneeled. I had never had aching knees before. As a matter of fact I often used to come home from work and brag to my wife that “I’m a 44 year old man and I just ran up the stairs 2 at a time’. My knees had quickly gotten so bad that I could barely walk up the flight of stairs.
I quit riding the elliptical a few months ago and am now back to running a few miles 4 days a week. My knees and back are feeling great but my gut does not seem to want to leave this time. I have decided to push a little harder and I am going to add to the current regiment by attending one of those boot-camp style workouts 2 days a week but I am afraid that the 5:00 am start time might cause this to be short lived adventure.
Of course it might help me lose the weight quicker if I cut out the beer and fatty foods but I have this fear that any minute I might get hit by a car. From my hospital bed a doctor will lean over to me and tell me for the brief time I have left I will not be able to eat solid foods. I would hate to think my last meal on Earth had been rice cakes and celery sticks. Bring on the bacon and fries. I guess I might be lugging around that pony keg a little bit longer.
Throughout my life I have gained and lost the same 45 pounds over and over again. I know that it is bad for me and it gets harder to lose each time but it has been a reality in my life for more then 25 years. When I find myself getting a bit too ginourmous I modify my eating habits and kick start an exercise program until I get things a bit more under control. I try not to use the word diet, although since my ‘modified eating habits’ tend to obviously only be temporary I guess it really is closer to a diet.
About 4 years ago I again had to move up to the pants from the ‘Gordo-Dan’ collection. Before my wedding I got myself down to near my high school weight but I fell prey to the common first year of marriage bulge. I restarted my running (jogging) routine until I hurt my back. I woke up one morning with nasty shooting pains in my lower back. After walking around like Lon Chaney’s Quasimoto for a few days, I was talked into going to a friend’s chiropractor.
The Doctor was a nice enough guy but after several months of $50 a week sessions consisting mostly of sharing bad jokes and being told that things are progressing nicely, I called it quits. I do not know if I got better from the Chiropractor’s minor treatments or simply that enough time had passed that it healed itself. Either way I felt better. I did in fact follow the doctor’s advice of quitting my daily running and started riding the recommended elliptical machine instead.
For the next 3 years I spent an average of 50 minutes 4 days a week on the elliptical machine until one day I noticed my knees were starting to throb. They cracked and popped whenever I kneeled. I had never had aching knees before. As a matter of fact I often used to come home from work and brag to my wife that “I’m a 44 year old man and I just ran up the stairs 2 at a time’. My knees had quickly gotten so bad that I could barely walk up the flight of stairs.
I quit riding the elliptical a few months ago and am now back to running a few miles 4 days a week. My knees and back are feeling great but my gut does not seem to want to leave this time. I have decided to push a little harder and I am going to add to the current regiment by attending one of those boot-camp style workouts 2 days a week but I am afraid that the 5:00 am start time might cause this to be short lived adventure.
Of course it might help me lose the weight quicker if I cut out the beer and fatty foods but I have this fear that any minute I might get hit by a car. From my hospital bed a doctor will lean over to me and tell me for the brief time I have left I will not be able to eat solid foods. I would hate to think my last meal on Earth had been rice cakes and celery sticks. Bring on the bacon and fries. I guess I might be lugging around that pony keg a little bit longer.
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